


Understood

by valcery



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alive Mary Winchester, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Teenagers, Comforting Castiel, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dead John Winchester, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Good Big Brother Gabriel, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Parent Mary Winchester, Understanding Castiel, Worried Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 03:05:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4730414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valcery/pseuds/valcery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"‘Dean’ he whispered softly. ‘Dean. It’s alright. I promise it’s alright’. <br/>‘No it’s not’ Dean sniffled. ‘No it’s not. My Dad is dead Cas. Dead. And you know what that means? He’s not coming back’.<br/>‘I know’ Cas said and he didn’t know what to do."</p>
<p>John Winchester is dead and Dean hasn't been dealing with it for months. Or at least not until an accidental break down causes Castiel to force him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Understood

**Author's Note:**

> So basically this is just Castiel comforting Dean. That's practically it. 
> 
> I just felt that Dean spends so much time trying to protect and be there for Cas and Sam and he doesn't really let himself actually break down or have a cry about any of the shit he's been through, so I guess that was what I was trying to channel here. I just want Dean to let himself be comforted by someone and yeah I sound like such a dork but I got bored and wrote this so ignore any bad writing and enjoy, I hope.

Dean lit a cigarette and took a long slow drag. He hoped the chewing gum he’d bought earlier - 3 days ago probably - was still wedged in his jean pockets. If Sam smelt the smoke on his breath he’d give Dean hell for the next two weeks. Of course Dean knew Sam was right; that it was unhealthy, addictive, cancer inducing. 

Oh well.

There was a part of Dean that thought he was already addicted. Sometimes - just sometimes - the flames in his mouth were the only reminder that he was still alive and feeling.

A while ago, behind the local cafe (the one everyone went to) was the spot. Dean thought maybe it was because it was greyer there (due to all the concrete) and with all the messy graffiti and mostly empty dumpsters, they had thought it was a cool spot to hang out.

Not anymore.

Once the skate park was built up in the next block the place had been abandoned by its usual occupants. Dean still came back sometimes. There was never anyone else there and maybe that was a good thing because sometimes Dean needed to be alone. When he went to places other people couldn’t understand. That he couldn’t understand.

But it wasn’t just that. The place had good memories - like Benny laughing at him choking when he first tried to smoke (the smoking part wasn’t so great but Benny’s smile was always a sight for sore eyes), like when Jo used to join them there and how she was always so untouchable and how Dean’s chest felt so fluttery and warm and tight all at the same time when she said she thought _he_ was untouchable. Like Gabriel (who worked at the cafe) sneaking them donuts when the boss wasn’t looking. Like the time they all heard Gabriel’s older brother Luci singing his heart out when all this time he’d come off as such a gangster. 

Dean dropped his cigarette and stomped the shit out of what was left of the embers. The chewing gum was in his pocket (luckily) and he took two, chomping on them steadily and letting the sharp mint flavor ingulf his taste buds. Distraction. It was all a distraction. He made his way out slowly, back onto the street. Walking felt productive and at least that was something. 

 

All roads lead home eventually. It was five in the evening when Dean arrived on his front steps. It was supposed to be comforting - with the lights on and the smell of cooking and someone kind waiting behind the door. But it felt like something was missing. It had for a while now - for the past six months. 

The door creaked when Dean opened it and he winced. 

‘Dean?’ Someone called. 

’M home’ he mumbled back. 

‘Dean’ the voice repeated and his mother appeared in the hallway. ‘I haven’t seen you since this morning. Are you alright’? 

‘Yeah’. 

‘You sure?’ 

‘I said I am. So I am’. He shoved his hands into his jean pockets and glared up at her. It was hard to glare at her though. Mary was an angel - not literally, but she was always so kind, understanding, forgiving and she hardly ever yelled. It didn’t seem fair to glare at her. 

‘Okay. We’re having diner in about an hour. Don’t disappear’. 

 

He didn’t plan to. 

 

He made his way up the stairs and into his room. The posters were beginning to look sad on the wall, but Dean didn’t have the patience to rearrange them. He made a bee line for the CD’s and picked out the closest one to his hand. 

Someones footstep fell heavily on the wooden floor and Dean whirled around, almost loosing his balance (which was embarrassing). 

‘Dean?’ Sam said. ‘It’s just me’. 

‘Son of a bitch!’ Dean spat, letting out a breath. ‘You scared the shit out of me Sam’!

‘I’m sorry’ Sam muttered, letting his gaze drop. ‘Can I come in’?

‘Yeah yeah’. 

 

Sam was getting so tall lately. Dean was almost sure he was going to be taller than him, but that was something he would never admit. Being doomed to be the short one wasn’t exactly Dean’s finest feature, especially since Sam was younger than him. 

 

‘I haven’t seen you in ages’ Sam said, sitting carefully on the edge of the bed. 

‘I’ve been out’. Dean slotted the CD carefully into his boom box (couldn’t afford much better) and turned the volume up a few pegs. CAKE began to play - something about the guitar notes calmed his mind. 

‘It’s different’ Sam replied. ‘You disappear for the whole day. Sometimes we don’t even see you for dinner and we never see you for breakfast’. 

‘Well what do you care, Sam?’ Dean said, slamming his hand on the desk. 

‘I care plenty Dean’! Sam yelled back, and he stood up, looking him dead in the eye. 

‘Listen, I don’t know Dean, ever since Dad -’ 

‘JUST SHUT UP’!

 

And then Dean was crying and he didn’t know why he couldn’t just hold it in because it had been six months. Six fucking months and the crying was supposed to have stopped by now. Or at least not happen in public. Not where people could see you. 

 

‘Dean’ Sam said, and his voice was quiet again. ‘Dean I’m sorry’. 

‘Just-’ Dean said, and he hated how he was shaking. ‘-Just leave me alone Sam. Please’. 

‘Okay’ Sam whispered. ‘Okay’. 

 Dean walked to the door and ran down the steps, bursting through the front door before Mary could stop him. He couldn’t stop the shaking or the anger or the hot tears in his eyes. He couldn’t stop repeating that unfinished sentence - over and over again. 

 

Since Dad died.

Ever since Dad died. 

 

* * *

 

 Castiel was beginning to think that the cafe’s donut game was becoming weak. The one he was eating had a few spots bald of cinnamon and the jam was only luke warm. He’d have to take it up with Gabriel later. When he finally got off his shift. Waiting around for Gabriel could be boring as hell, but he didn’t exactly have anywhere better to be. 

The door squeaked as it opened and Castiel looked up. Someone walked in - shoulders hunched and hands shoved deep into the pockets of an oversized leather jacket. Castiel knew him. He was John Winchester’s boy - the older one. Castiel thought his name was Dean. 

Dean didn’t look so good. His eyes were red - as if he’d been crying - but that couldn’t be right because Dean Winchester didn’t cry. Or at least not in public. Castiel listened closely as he ordered (one vanilla coke). His voice was croaky too. Maybe Dean was sick? 

 

‘Hey’ someone said. ‘You’re John’s boy aren’t you’? 

‘Yeah’ Dean grunted. Castiel moved closer to listen. 

‘Shame he died like he did. I’m real sorry for you kiddo’. 

‘Yeah’ Dean said again. Castiel could tell he didn’t want to talk about it but the man persisted. 

‘Real chill guy John was. He used to play poker with us boys at the pub after work. Isn’t the same without John there. He was a smart ass to say the least but he gave us all a laugh. All of us was real jealous of him ‘cos he had Mary. How’s your mum doing lately Dean’? 

‘She’s fine’. 

‘Oh yeah? Keeping a brave face for you and little Sam no doubt’. 

‘Sam’s not so little’. 

‘No? Last time I saw him he was. Maybe I should come up to visit y’all sometime. See if Mary wants to come out to the pub with us. It’s been what - six months now. I’m sure she’d appreciate it’. 

Dean turned to look at the man and his eyes were like thunder. ‘No thanks. She doesn’t wanna go out’. 

‘I’ll leave that for her to say’ the man grinned and Castiel hated him. How dare he say things like that about Mary when her husband had only died less than a year ago. How dare he say that to Dean. 

‘Say, your Dad still owed me half a grand from those poker games. Suppose I’ll have to ask Mary for it’. 

 

Dean’s fist connected with the man’s cheek before Castiel even noticed him take a swing. 

 

‘What the fuck’ the man spat and he punched Dean right back in the stomach. 

‘Hey. HEY!’ someone yelled. It was Gabriel. He was already there, pulling the stupid lump of a man off Dean and holding them both at arms length. 

‘There will be NO fighting in this cafe. I don’t care if you want to take it outside or not but keep it away from us’. 

The man put a hand to his cheek and pulled a face similar to a snarling animal. Castiel could see a bruise coming up. 

‘I’ll just leave then’ he spat. 

‘Good’ Gabriel said bluntly. ‘And if you do end up going over to the Winchester’s place I _will_ find out and I’ll get Bobby to come and pay you a visit. Are we clear’? 

‘Crystal’. He slammed the door behind him. Gabriel sighed and patted down his apron. Dean got to his feet and turned away, not looking anyone in the eyes. 

‘You alright?’ Gabriel asked. 

‘I’m fine’ Dean wheezed and made for the door. The silence that had fallen during the brief fight began to disappear as not-so-quiet whispers filled the air. The door swung shut and Gabriel returned to behind the counter. 

 

‘Hey Cassie’ he called to Castiel. ‘He left his coke. Do you mind running after him’?

‘Sure’ Castiel said, scraping his chair back as he got to his feet. He hoped Dean wasn’t a fast walker so that he might actually catch up to him. 

 

* * *

 

Dean sucked in a breath and hunched his shoulders. It was getting cold now. He must have already missed dinner and he felt a slight pang as he thought of Mary and Sam there without him. Missing him maybe. It didn’t matter. He’d just darken the mood anyway. 

There were a few quick footsteps on the concrete path behind him and Dean whirled around, hoping his fear wasn’t too obvious. 

‘Dean!’ the person said and he didn’t look dangerous. He was shorter than Dean and he had floppy black hair that was bouncing slightly as he ran. 

‘You left your coke’ he huffed, stopping a few paces away. ‘Gabriel sent me to give it to you’. 

‘Oh’ Dean said. ‘Thanks’. 

‘No problem’ the boy said and he handed the can over to Dean. 

‘So what are you, Gabriel’s errand boy or something?’ Dean asked and there was a part of him that hated the cruel edge to his voice. 

‘No’ the boy said cooly. ‘I’m his brother’. 

‘Oh’. Dean hadn’t known Gabriel had a younger brother. He knew about the two older ones but this guy he hadn’t seen before. Or maybe he had. Come to think of it, he had seen him around school before. Did they have English together? Yeah. Castiel. It was a hard name to forget. 

‘It’s Castiel right?’ He asked.

‘Yeah’. 

‘We have English together’. 

‘Yep’. 

Castiel looked a bit uncomfortable for a second. 

‘I’m really sorry about -’ he began but Dean cut in loudly. 

‘Oh save it. So what? It’s been six months now, we’re all getting over it’. 

 

_You just had to ruin it didn’t you_ Dean thought bitterly. Why did everyone have to apologize for it? Like it was their fault or something. Like they even properly knew him. Why did everyone have to bring it up? 

 ‘- I was going to say about that man back there’ Castiel continued quietly. ‘That was horrible of him. Everyone could see that you didn’t want to talk about it and then what he said about your mum - I’m sorry about that Dean’. 

‘Oh’ Dean said, and he felt instantly guilty. ‘Well, it wasn’t your fault’. 

‘Still’ Castiel replied. ‘Is your stomach alright’? 

‘Yeah. I’m alright now’. 

‘Good’. 

 

It was silent for a minute. 

 

‘Er, well I better get going’ Dean muttered and turned to leave. 

‘Are you sure you’re okay, Dean?’ Castiel asked. 

‘I said I was, didn’t I’? 

‘Yeah but it’s just that when you walked in you looked kind of sick and I don’t know, are you sure you’re alright’? 

Dean froze a little. Was it that obvious he’d been crying? 

‘Are you my mother? No you’re not so don’t ask me stupid things like that. I’m fine’. 

Castiel stood back a little at the venom in Dean’s voice. 

‘I’m just worried’ he whispered. 

‘You don’t even know me’. 

‘We have English together. I know you enough’. 

 

Dean stared at him and it was impossible to stay angry. Castiel had these really wide blue eyes and they looked so sincere and kind of sad and Dean felt bad because he had made him sad. People like Castiel shouldn’t be sad. 

‘You look cold’ Castiel said and he was right. ‘Don’t walk off and smoke or something Dean. It’s not going to make you feel better. Come back to the cafe for a minute if you don’t want to go home just.... just please take care of yourself’. 

‘Don’t tell me what to do’ Dean said but there was something warm about what Castiel had said and he found himself turning around to walk back with him. 

  

* * *

 

 

Castiel hadn’t counted on Dean being so volatile. He was alright one minute and the next he was snapping, spitting his words out like weapons. He held his slouch tightly as he walked beside Castiel and he didn’t say much. It was awkward but the cafe wasn’t that far away so at least it wouldn’t be for long. 

They stopped out the front. Dean looked at the ground and scuffed his shoes against the concrete. 

‘I don’t really want to go back in there’ he said. Quietly. He seemed almost embarrassed - afraid. It was a strange sort of vulnerability, like for a minute Castiel could see all of Dean’s real emotions without that angry mask. And it made Castiel incredibly sad because it wasn’t just grief like he’d expected. Dean sounded, looked, _was_ absolutely destroyed. 

‘We don’t have to’ Castiel said gently. ‘We can go around the back if you want. I’ll see if Gabriel can bring us out some leftover food or something’. 

Dean nodded. 

Castiel moved slowly, looking over his shoulder to make sure Dean was still there. He was. 

 

Behind the shop looked even more grungy in the low light. It looked like the sort of place young idiots looking for trouble would hang around and for that reason some people would think it was scary. But Castiel wasn’t afraid. It was a mostly good neighborhood and besides, ever since the new skatepark was built this space had been mostly left alone. 

He took out his phone and texted a quick explanation to Gabriel with a request for leftover pasties or pies or whatever was there. 

Dean slumped down next to one of the dumpsters. 

‘I used to see you and your friends around here all the time’ Castiel said, because he really didn’t know how to comfort him. Didn’t even know if he wanted to be comforted. 

‘Yeah’ Dean said. ‘We used to hang out here. Me and Benny and Crowley and Jo’. 

‘You and Jo - did you guys ever end up getting together’? 

‘No’ Dean said and Castiel instantly cringed. Why had he asked that? Why? _You moron_ he thought to himself. 

‘Oh. I’m sorry’ he muttered. 

‘Don’t worry about it’ Dean said, looking up. ‘We were good friends me and her. We just never decided to take it further’. 

‘You’re not good friends anymore’? 

‘I - I haven’t talked to people in a while’. 

He crumpled a little bit as he said it. Castiel walked over and sat down beside him. 

‘You and your Dad were close’. He said it bluntly. 

‘Listen’ Dean said, turning to look at him and his eyes were almost dead like. ‘Castiel - I’m going to call you Cas, alright? Cas. I do not want to talk about my Dad. Not now, not later. Okay’? 

‘Not okay’ Cas replied. ‘You’ve been walking around like a zombie for months. It’s not okay, you’re not okay’. 

Dean remained silent. 

‘I want to help you’ Cas continued. 

‘Well I don’t want your help!’ Dean yelped and then he had to turn away. Cas was almost certain he was crying and something about it sent a shock through him because it was Dean. _Dean._ Dean who sat next three seats away from him in English, Dean who was always surrounded by his friends, Dean who’s mother was practically an angel, Dean who fell and broke his arm in the third grade and hardly even winced. Tough, tough Dean. 

Slowly, and as gently as was humanly possible Cas reached across and placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder. He was shaking. 

‘Dean’ he whispered softly. ‘Dean. It’s alright. I promise it’s alright’. 

‘No it’s not’ Dean sniffled. ‘No it’s not. My Dad is _dead_ Cas. Dead. And you know what that means? He’s not coming back’. 

‘I know’ Cas said and he didn’t know what to do. 

  

* * *

 

 

Crying. Again. And to make matters worse, in front of Cas which would mean Cas’s eyes would get all sad again. It was getting even colder now as the sun was almost completely disappearing. Trying to control his stupid weeping was only making the shuddering worse. 

Dean tried to focus on Cas’s hand, which was resting on his shoulder. He tried to use it to steady him. Cas was warm, probably because he was all rugged up in a soft jumper. John’s old jacket was too big on Dean. It let too much of the wind in. 

‘I never knew my Dad’ Cas said suddenly. ‘He left when I was really little - left the lot of us all alone with Mum. I can’t really miss him because I didn’t know what he was like. Gabriel doesn’t remember him much either. But Michael and Luci - sometimes they get really sad remembering when he was around. Apparently for the first year Michael let his grades drop heaps which is super weird for him. Luci just got angry. They fought a lot and Gabriel kept getting stuck in the middle of them. Our Dad didn’t die but we don’t know where he is and he’s sure as hell not coming back. After a while Michael and Luci just went back to normal. They didn’t forget and I don’t think it ever stopped hurting but it did get easier. It does get easier over time’. 

Dean managed to stop sobbing and looked up. 

‘I didn’t know your father left’. 

‘Yeah. But it’s not as bad as your Dad being dead’. 

‘It’s still pretty bad’. 

‘I guess’. 

There was a lot Dean didn’t know about Cas. Looking at him now - all kindness and blue eyes and good intentions - Dean felt a little bad for not trying to get to know him sooner. They were in the same English class after all. 

‘So eventually they - your brothers- they got over it’? 

‘No’ Cas said, and he was chewing his lip slightly. ‘They never got over it. I think it just got easier to get on with stuff as time went on. Like initially they’d think about it for three hours and forget it for a minute but then eventually they’d think about it for a minute and forget it for three hours’. 

‘I wish that could happen’ Dean said. ‘And I also don’t. I don’t want to forget Dad. It doesn’t feel right’. 

‘You don’t have to go on hurting forever for him, Dean. He wouldn’t want that’. 

He could feel the tears again, pricking at his eyes and falling down his cheeks in unmarked patterns. 

‘I wouldn’t want anyone to forget me’ he said and he buried his face in his hands, trying so so hard to suppress those stupid fucking choking noises. 

‘I don’t think anyone could forget you’ Cas whispered and Dean collapsed against his side, shivering and whimpering and he didn’t want to think about how it was embarrassing or stupid or maybe Cas wouldn’t be comfortable with this. Maybe Dean wasn’t comfortable with this. But it didn’t matter because Cas was there and Cas, for some messed up reason, understood him. Or at least he was trying to. And maybe it wasn’t any of that at all. Maybe it was because Cas smelt like cinnamon and earth and because he was all warm and solid. Maybe it was because out of all the people who’d seen Dean cry, he was the only one who’d never said ‘Don’t cry’, or pretended it wasn’t going to hurt. Maybe it was because sometimes you just need someone to comfort you, and sometimes you need to let yourself be comforted. 

 

* * *

 

 

Dean’s face was buried in his shoulder blades. Cas hadn’t been expecting that. But it was okay. He could tell Dean was still trying to calm himself down, and he wished he wouldn’t because otherwise he’d just bottle it all up again. Cas wrapped his arm gently around Dean’s back and hoped that was okay. 

‘He used to take me up to some old car yards on the weekends’ Dean said. ‘We used to look at the different parts, the different styles. He told me I could pick a car, any car, and we’d fix it up together’. 

He stopped shaking. 

‘I wanted to pick the sweetest ride I could find - something I could be proud of. Something we could be proud of. A 67 Impala. We looked around, finding different parts, comparing prices’. 

It was silent for a few seconds. 

‘I could still make that car I guess’ he whispered. 

‘But it wouldn’t be the same’ Cas nodded. 

‘Yeah. But I still want to make it. Just to, you know, remember him. It was his dream too’. 

‘That sounds great Dean. That sounds really great’. 

‘Yeah’. 

 The sound of a door squeaking open made Cas jerk his head up. Dean stiffened and pulled away, making Cas’s cheeks redden. 

‘Woah’ Gabriel said, sticking his head around the door. ‘It’s just me. I got your text Cassie, I brought you guys some leftover pies. You feeling better now Dean’? 

‘Yeah. Uh, thanks Gabriel’. 

‘It’s not a problem’ Gabriel shrugged and dumped a plate on the ground in front of them. 

‘Just don’t let the boss catch you, alright’? 

‘Thank you’ Cas said and Gabriel winked at him before disappearing back inside. 

‘So, do you like pie?’ Cas asked, reaching out to pull the plate in a little closer. 

‘Are you kidding’ Dean laughed, and all of that sadness was gone again. ‘I love pie’. 

‘Well good’ Cas smiled and bit into his. It was silent while they ate. 

‘Well’ Dean said eventually, wiping the extra crumbs away from his mouth, ‘I guess I’d better be heading off. It’s dark out. I’ll be in trouble with Mum’. 

‘Oh’ Cas said. ‘Yeah, I guess so’. He got to his feet and picked up the plate, dusting it off. It was just a paper one so he lifted up the lid of one of the dumpsters and dropped it in. 

‘Um, thanks Cas’ Dean said softly and he looked kind of uncomfortable. ‘I don’t really talk about that stuff much, but yeah, thanks’. 

‘It wasn’t a problem’ Cas replied and he could feel himself blushing again. ‘Good luck with your car Dean. I’ll see you when school starts back, right’? 

‘Yeah’. 

‘Okay’. 

Neither of them moved. For a moment, Dean looked so small, and Cas remembered how he’d cried and snuggled in towards him and it struck him that maybe Dean just wanted to feel loved and comforted. Of course all these stupid tough boys just didn’t know how to express that. 

He took a deep breath. 

  

* * *

 

 

Dean could barely stop himself from gasping slightly when Cas’s arms rested around his neck and it took him a few moments to pull Cas in closer. Hugging. They were hugging. Dean felt Cas let out a sigh of relief and he squeezed a bit tighter. He rested his head firmly on Cas’s shoulder and let himself breath. It sounded stupid, but this, this was the nicest thing. 

Cas mumbled something and pulled away.

‘What?’ Dean asked. 

‘Sorry’ Cas said. ‘I’m sorry’. 

‘Oh, uh, don’t be’. 

Cas looked up at him and shuffled his feet. He was blushing. _Blushing._ But come to think of it, so was Dean. 

‘Take care of yourself, alright’? 

‘Alright. But you’re not my mother’. 

Cas laughed and then Dean was grinning too and before he knew what he was even doing he was grabbing Cas’s arm and pulling him in so that their faces were almost touching. 

Everything stopped for a few seconds. 

And then Dean came to his senses. What the fuck was he doing? He shook his head and went to pull back, but suddenly Cas was gripping his hand and he was leaning forward again. 

Cas’s skin was getting cold out in the night air but his cheek still felt warm under Dean’s lips. He pulled back quickly and turned away. 

God dammit. 

‘I’ll, uh, I’ll see you around’. 

‘Okay’. 

Something about Cas’s voice sounded a bit distant and when Dean turned around again, he was looking at him like he was God’s miracle. 

Dean smiled, and then Cas was there again but this time he was much closer and his face wasn’t on his shoulder, it was right in front of him and this was the chick flick movie scene and it felt all wrong and right and uncomfortable and stupid and wonderful all at once. 

 

For the life of him, Dean couldn’t stop his heart from fluttering. 

 

* * *

 

 

Cas watched Dean walk back onto the main road. His cheeks still felt red, so he figured he’s let them cool down a bit before going back inside. He sat on the back steps and stared up at the stars, thinking about Dean’s oversized jacket and his 67 Impala and wondering if they’d end up talking again and if Luci might be able to find some cheap car parts for him. 

 

That was where Gabriel found him when his shift was finally over and he knew something was up because Cas stared out the window the whole car ride home with that dreamy smile spread across his face.  

 


End file.
